A mouse just ran underneath my desk and across my foot. I may or may not have screamed and ran out into the hallway. My co-workers may or may not have laughed their butts off. I’m now sitting criss cross applesauce in my office chair and my legs are in the prickly stage of falling asleep. Have I mentioned before how much I hate mice and their cute little scurrying filthy bodies? Eeeew. I have stacks of papers and boxes full of papers and papers giving birth to more papers in my office. According to my helpful colleagues, papers are good for nesting. Maybe those colleagues could have mentioned that BEFORE my little friend moved in. Just sayin.
Today I sat in a classroom with 21 other students. We pulled our desks into a circle and then worked hard at not looking at each other. They are Juniors and Seniors, some graduating this spring and others next spring and others maybe never. I graduated in 1995. And again in 2005. If all goes well, I may do it again in 2015. Or, I won’t. The point is, I’m beginning again. And it feels good.
This woman inspires me. If you don’t read her blog, you should. How’s that for bossy?
http://www.happiness-project.com/
more about “Today Show:Bus trip inspires ‘Happine…“, posted with vodpod
As we enter a holiday season that should be filled with joy and merriment, I must confess I’m feeling more anxiety and stress than Jesus probably intended. It’s all the Three Wise Men’s fault – they just had to start in with the gifts. I am a terrible gift giver. I can receive gifts okay though. The receiving of the gifts in not really a problem for me (just want to put that out there). It’s when I try to get all thoughtful about what someone else would like to receive, that’s when I get into trouble. To pick a meaningful gift for someone means that you have to consider who this person is at a deeper level than you ever have before. That’s when the panic sets in – have I been paying attention to this person enough to know what they might even like? Usually, I have not.
For instance, I was dating a guy in college once. He was coming over to celebrate Christmas with me at 6pm the day before Christmas Eve. At 4pm, I realized I could not put off buying his gift any longer. I was so nervous about this first gift exchange and wanting to get it right that I’d refused to even let myself think about it. Hardly any students were left on campus by then, so most of the stores in town were closed and I didn’t have a way to get to the mall. I ended up at one of those college stores that sells nothing but tie dye, hacky sacks and patchouli. Now, this guy was more Alex P. Keaton than Grateful Dead groupie, but I did remember him going on and on about lava lamps at some point. He either really really loved lava lamps or he really really hated lava lamps. I couldn’t remember. I had no choice but to buy one and hope for the best.
He got me a coffee bean grinder with some awesome beans we had tried at a coffee shop – when we first met, apparently (See? I’m the worst). I had been wanting the grinder and it was a really nice, thoughtful gift.
When I gave him his present he ripped off the paper, looked at the box and set it down without opening it. He left 20 minutes later and we never went out again.
It still baffles me that one could have such strong feelings about a lava lamp either way, but whatever.
That lava lamp is sitting on my husband’s desk right now, so I guess it all worked out.
A wise man once said to me that 99% of the key to being successful in life is to simply show up. I was in college at the time and this man was my boss. Because he was a nice guy, he didn’t want to fire me even though I kept sleeping through my alarm (I was up late studying – or drinking beer, I can’t remember). One morning he called to wake me up and said, “I don’t even expect you to know how to do anything. I’ll show you exactly what to do and how to do it. I’ll train you and pay you to gain new skills and work experience that will help you get a real job when you graduate. All you have to do is SHOW UP.”
He wasn’t just frustrated with me. He employed a lot of students that had a hard time waking up, or remembering their schedule, or choosing work over a Cheers marathon on cable. I did eventually get my act together and make it a priority to get to work on time and learn as much as I could. It was true that I knew nothing about television production when I started, but I picked up a lot by making myself available whenever anyone on staff needed anything (coffee, graphics, photos taken at an event). Other students may have been better at running camera, but I was picked to do it for a statewide program because my boss knew he could count on me to be there.
Still, I’ve had to learn this lesson over and over again. I’ll share two examples.
1. I want to be a better writer. I read the writing of others and it makes me desperate to want to be good at it too. For years I’ve whined about how I want to be a writer and pined for the writing life. But, do I actually write? Rarely. I read books on how to be a writer, I research how to pay taxes as a freelancer, and shop for home office supplies (for when I finally make the leap). But, how often do I actually write anything? Not very often and certainly not consistently. I am not showing up to do the work. This blog is one attempt that I’m making to fix that, but it’s amazing, the level of doubt that I feel. Just show up, I keep telling myself. Breathe in, breathe out. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be.
2. I want to be a runner. Runners seem to be healthy, have energy and they get to wear super cute workout clothes. Problem is, I hate to run. At least I thought I did. I would try it for a week and get discouraged and sore and figure running just isn’t for me the way sitting on the couch and watching movies is for me. Then, I started going to the gym regularly. I would tell myself that all I have to do is go there – getting on the treadmill was not even part of the deal. I had no expectations other than to go there. Eventually it became silly to show up consistently and NOT run. I’ve since graduated to running every time – but there is no rule for how far or how long I go. I just show up and make myself open to the possibility that one day I might become a runner.
Please tell me I’m not alone in my struggle to manage these kinds of life-altering goals. How do you work toward what seems unattainable?
I already blew the NaBloPoMo thing. I think I was a day off from the beginning.
How about I take my mind off it by posting some Halloween pics two weeks late? That, I can do.
I’ve been running regularly since last January. Except for lately not so much. The more stressed out I get, the less time I have for exercise. The less I exercise, the more I feel stressed. Hello, vicious cycle.
I’m attempting to post from a WordPress app on my iPhone. Did it work?
One of the reasons I joined NaBloPoMo is to make myself get on a regular writing schedule. Here it is Day 2 and I almost failed miserably. ALMOST.
So I’m going to give this a try. I will attempt to post every single day for the month of November. Why, you ask? Good question. I guess I’m just a fan of self-imposed arbitrary deadlines. Go figure. Plus, I thought this little badge was cute.
